Tree Guys Don’t Know Anything          Paul Hetzler

What is an arborist?

1. What a resident of Ann Arbor, Michigan calls herself/ himself.  

2. A person who has received extensive training in all aspects of tree care.  

3. As opposed to your borist.

Tree topping is:

1. A type of syrup that forest-industry workers prefer on their ice cream.  

2. An incorrect way to reduce a tree’s height, one which leads to a very weak and…

Only Bury Your Tree After It’s Dead

Paul Hetzler

In springtime, driving around on weekends makes me sad. Invariably I’ll pass someone out in their yard, shovel in hand, maybe with their kids or spouse, and they have a cute little tree from the garden center on one side of them, and a wicked deep hole in the ground on the other. If I wasn’t so shy, I’d stop and offer my condolences, because clearly they are having a funeral for the tree.

Here’s an arborist joke: What do…

sorry fdor the NNY bias...feel free to use this any time/way you like, and to edit out the offending parochial sentiments.

Helicopters and Handkerchiefs: Signs of Stress

Paul Hetzler

Here is a forecast the entire region can bank on: this spring will be characterized by pollen storms, and in a related development, it will rain helicopters this summer. Don’t panic—it has nothing to do with aircraft. It has everything to do with stress.

Short-term, moderate…